Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Remembering My Mom

The memories today are so hard
to bear,
As sharp as if it was today
not years and years ago.

The pain today is so hurtful,
As if it was today
not years and years ago.

I cry out in rage for what
could have been, but
never will be.

I wish I could go back in time,
Feel the love, touch, caring,
smell, the Everything
That once was,
That never will be.

Life has played a dirty trick
on me.
Will I ever be able to forget?
No not forget.

Will the pain ever be
not as great
as if it was today
But years and years ago,

That I lost my mother!

Written July 4,1986 We were living in an apartment while waiting for our house to be built.
My mom died in 1968. I still think about her almost everyday. I was 15 years old and my brother Greg was 6 years old.

40 comments:

Danica said...

I'm so very sorry.

I lost my Mom four days after Christmas in 2007 to cancer. And every day I do think about her too.

Sending hugs and understanding.

Gigi said...

Oh Gayle! Thinking of you!

5thsister said...

this is why it is so very important for me to take a trip home this month. mom had a mild stroke, her 2nd. Who knows how much time we have left. Thank you for sharing. Love to you this day.

Menopausal New Mom said...

How tragic and unfair Gayle. I am so sorry for your loss, all those years you have missed being with her.

I will hug my own mother a little tighter, thanks for reminding me of how much I love and appreciate having her in my life.

Hugs,
Deb

Brian Miller said...

(hugs)
thoughts for you today...

Julie said...

Sending love and hugs your way today....

Kathy M. said...

What a touching poem. The grief so palpable. Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry for your loss. Hugs.

Kristina P. said...

This was very touching, Gayle.

Coffeypot said...

What an epitaph to your mom; that she was the kind of person that is thought of and missed everyday. I’m afraid that when I’m gone my daughter and step-kids will say, “Daddy who?”

Judy said...

Thank God for memories! But, don't you mean she passed away in 1968 instead of 1998? Love you!

DJan said...

We only have one mother, and she can't be replaced in our hearts by time. Memories become stronger, more enhanced, as time goes by. At least my memories of Mama come to me that way in my dreams. Hugs to you today, Gayle.

Blasé said...

Life is always changing, it never stays the same.

Cherish the sweet memories and be encouraged, today.

Ms Sparrow said...

Much as you may miss your mom, please relax and enjoy Mother's Day with your family.

Ann said...

So sad but yet so touching. A beautiful tribute to your mother, cherish the memories that you have.

Cinner said...

Gayle, my thoughts and prayers to you. I don't think it ever gets easier, I know she would be proud of you, you can tell how loving and beautiful you are by your blog posts. hugs to you my friend.

Linda Medrano said...

I'm very sorry Gayle. Mother's Day makes it fresh every year I know.

TechnoBabe said...

You miss your mother and you write such beautiful words of strong feelings. My heart goes out to you.

Jeanie said...

I know the feeling of missing her everyday for many, many years. My mother died over 40 years ago when I was 18. The pain is different, but the missing never goes away. You have expressed it beautifully.

Chris H said...

Passed family is never forgotten... because we always remember them... and so they are still a part of our lives.

adrienzgirl said...

Gayle I am thinking of you. I pray your strength will get you through your grief. {{{hugs}}}

That corgi :) said...

I'm so sorry about your mom's passing and that you and your brother were so young, that had to be hard then and equally hard to this day

betty

AmyLK said...

I'm so sorry! Its so hard to get over loosing your mom.

I lost my mom 3 days before Son was born. We left her services to go to the hospital.

Bev G said...

How wonderful that these many years later she still lives in your heart and mind.

Bless you

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

It's difficult to lose a parent at any age, but especially terrible when one is so young. All the best.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I understand how time has no meaning when it comes to losing someone you love, especially your mom. I lost mine 25 years ago, but it seems like yesterday. A virtual hug to you, and I'm so glad you joined my blog following so that I could discover your blog and do the same.
Robyn

Tracie said...

So sorry for your loss. I know this time of year must be hard for you.

blueviolet said...

We never really get over it, but we do learn to adjust. I'm sorry.

Matty said...

I'm sorry. It's difficult to lose a mother, especially at that age too. I hope the fond memories of her bring a smile to your face this mother's day.

otin said...

My Grandmother died in 67'. She was 42. My mother was 22 and her sister was 17. It is still tough on my mother to this day.

Holly said...

I am so sad for your loss and what that means to you. IO cannot imagine not having my mother then and now...I know my day will come and it will run me over like a Mac truck. My grandparents died when I was 7 and I think about them every dat...REAL LOVE LIVES ON.

Joanna Jenkins said...

My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

Sending hugs.
xo

Jingle said...

oh my,
Sorry for your painful loss.
We love you, but not the same.
Hope that you are loved by your cute kids as a Mom yourself...
Happy Mother's Day to U.

Nf1andprek-whisper said...

I lost my dad 4 years ago and it is so sad, I was born in 1968. I am not good at writing poetry, I do like yours even if it is sad. Mother's day is hard for many and I have 3 friends who lost there mothers young. Hope happy moments and memories get you thru the day and of course your grandchildren.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I'm so sorry for all those years lost - your mom is probably smiling down right now, proud of who you've become. ((HUGZ!!))

Happy Mother's Day! :)

sm said...

sorry
happy mothers day
still you got her in your heart
is great

anne h said...

Hugs and Light and Love ....for you and your mom's gentle memory!
❀✿❀✿♡❀✿❀✿
Hearts and flowers, too!

California Girl said...

That is a terrible time to lose your mother. You were so vulnerable at 15. How did your brother fare? Your pain is palpable in your poem.

Thank you for visiting and commenting. You look too young to be a grandmother, btw!

Closer to Lucy said...

Feeling every word, hugs and prayers.

Jenny said...

Gayle, what a poignant and touching post. I am sending you a hug right now...even though I'm a few days late!

Jingle said...

http://itistimetothinkformyself.blogspot.com/2010/05/jingles-may-follower-award-week-2.html

Happy Wednesday!